The Penis Balloon

I'm standing in a fairly long line at Michaelangelo's Coffeehouse in lovely Madison, WI, waiting for my honey to get done running a half-marathon in scorching 80-degree heat. A shorter guy, probably Bangledeshi, is standing in front of me. He's wearing a subtle tropical-print dress shirt (if tropical-print can indeed be subtle) and green slacks-- an all-around clean-cut kind of guy, well-groomed and all.

I notice, however, that he is holding a penis balloon in his right hand. It's one of those mylar balloons, and the kicker is that it is the exact shape and size of an actual twig and berries. It's also flesh-colored. The manufacturers were definitely going for "realistic" with this thing. I couldn't help but wonder where it came from, and why the guy was holding it on a Sunday morning at 8 a.m. in a coffee shop.

When our part of the line passed the little creamer-sugar counter, the guy put the balloon on it... and kept going, like it wasn't even his, like I totally didn't see him with the balloon and didn't know it was his. For a few glorious minutes, I watched out of the corner of my eye as various people saw and commented on the penis. Two ladies had a rapid-fire exchange in Spanish over it. Another younger guy saw it and did the classic double-take. I ordered my coffee and paid, and when I turned around, the balloon was gone. Did someone take it? Was it simply swept into the garbage like so much trash? As I was dumping creamer into my coffee and pondering these questions, double-take guy brought his girlfriend over to show her. The disappointment was clear in his voice as he said, "Man... it was just here!"