A Sovereign Nation

This past spring and summer I had the pleasure of spending my time with a real hottie. He had gorgeous dark eyes and a shaved head, and we had a good time. I swore to myself that if I couldn’t make a go of it with him, I needed a break from relationships.

Listen. I have a lot of stuff figured out in my life, but romantic love is not one of them. It’s amazingly easy to accomplish goals: create a set of steps and work your ass off until you get what you want. Applying that simple rule to another person, however, is proving far more difficult.

My lack of relationship is not for lack of trying, nor is it for lack of variety. My mother has consistently said she has been stunned by my ability to pick all kinds of guys. I’ve dated older guys and younger guys. Republicans and democrats. Never been married and divorcees. Guys with kids. Guys who ARE kids. One guy lived halfway across the country. Two guys are now gay. Fat and tall, short and small. Relationships have lasted anywhere from a couple of months to three years. Some are now friends. Some are, essentially, dead to me.

The fact is, though, I’ve never purposely taken time off from the dudes. So when the shit (inevitably) hit the fan with the most recent guy, I made myself a promise: No relationships until 2007. This was the middle of the summer; I figured six months was enough time to clear my head and focus in on what I really want.

The problem, however, is that I’m four months into my Sovereign Nation status and I still have no idea what I want. I’m starting to think that the reality is that there is no, cliché as it sounds, Mr. Perfecto. As a matter of fact, I’m SURE he doesn’t exist, and that my general rule for goal accomplishment would, indeed, work for relationships. It’s simply a matter of finding a guy for whom I am willing to work my ass off.

While I’m currently going out on random dates, nothing serious is happening. Sovereign Nation status stands, but come 1/1/2007, the Great Wall is coming down, and I’m sure I’ll find another completely different guy to have fun with. Maybe I’ll let my parents choose the next one… until then, as my friend Mike says, “I believe in the power of one.”