Porcelain Gods

I was in a place that everyone has been. It is a place of convenience, where our most intimate moments play out for the world.

It is the public restroom.

I was in one today, and as I sat there, I realized that someone is paying for the water to flush the toilet, the toilet paper, the paper towel, the soap to wash my hands… and, of course, there’s someone being paid to clean up after everyone is done using it.

What would happen if there were no public restrooms? Trips outside would be much shorter. We would be forced to get straight with our priorities, because taking that side trip to check out the Yellow Dot clearance racks at Younkers one more time might result in a squirmy drive home, the discomfort of the bladder growing over every bump in the road. We would probably get to know our bodies better, too, learning the fine art of Holding It through watching Titanic on the big screen and then the subsequent drive home.

I hear that in some countries, they make people pay to use a public toilet. Some might find this outrageous, but as a person who has had to clean out bathrooms where, literally, the shit was everywhere, this would seem like a reasonable penance to pay for the convenience of a clean place to do our business when away from our comfortable commodes at home.